Ho Ho Horror – It’s Scary Santa!

This was a topic fellow Scribe Kristin McFarland and I talked about doing as an episode of our podcast THE YOUNG PODAWANS (cheap plug right there folks), but instead we decided to do two back to back Star Wars episodes – because STAR WARS.

So since it’s Christmas Eve and all the kiddies around the world are filled with excitement that Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick is coming down their chimneys with bags full of gifts, lets take look at some of the Scary Santas that they better hope don’t come down instead!

First up is Robot Santa from FUTURAMA! Everyone knows about Santa’s Naughty and Nice list, but Robot Santa takes it much more seriously than the regular Saint Nick. Those who are naughty are more like to get a stocking full of napalm than cole. From his fortress on the far reaches of Neptune, Robot Santa takes cold and calculating stock of who is deserving of presents and who gets swift holiday vengeance come Christmas night.

Next is Demon Santa from the 2005 movie SANTA’S SLAY (yes the above gif is an actual scene from the actual movie). The film starts former wrassler Bill Goldberg as Santa, but in this version the Man in Red is a demon that lost a curling match (!!!!) to angel, requiring him to spread goodwill and cheer as punishment. But that wager only lasted 1,000 years so Demon Santa is back to kill people with turkey legs, drown them in egg nog and set Fran Drescher’s hair on fire. Again, this is a real movie that came out in real life.

We just talked about a relatively new Demon Santa, but we would be remiss if we didn’t mention the OG Demon Santa, Krampus. Even though Krampus didn’t get a movie until 2015 (somehow SANTA’S SLAY was 10 years before?) he’s the Scary Santa by which all other Scary Santas must be measured. Much like Regular Santa, Krampus brings gifts to children who have been good and punishes those who haven’t. Unlike Regular Santa, Krampus has horns, cloven feet and has been known to stuff bad kids into a bag and drag them off to Hell.

Next on this list is Jack Skellington! If you haven’t seen Tim Burton’s seminal animated film THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS then I don’t know what to say to you besides shame on you and go watch it now. Jack is the Spirit of Halloween, but when he stumbles upon Christmas Town, he wants to create a Christmas wonderland of his own and take up the mantle of Santa Claus for himself. Jack’s zeal and shortsightedness nearly destroys the holiday he so badly wants to make his own. While Jack’s is somewhat scary looking, his intentions aren’t malicious so it’s not fair to label him an Evil Santa, maybe just more like a Well Intentioned But Not So Great In Execution Santa.

This inclusion comes via Kristin – it’s Death from Terry Pratchett’s HOGFATHER! The Hogfather is the representation of Father Christmas or Santa in the Discworld Universe, expect his sleigh is driven by a pack of hogs and he gives away pork products instead of gifts (I wouldn’t mind a nice pork belly under my tree, but I digress). In the book / TV show, The Hogfather is assassinated and Death steps up to take his place as a means to keep people believing he exists. So again, not really an Evil Santa, but he is kinda scary looking. And especially if you suffer from Paronomasiaphobia.

Now that time has come to bear witness to the most scary of all the Scary Santas. Krampus may be the oldest Scary Santa, but no one is more synonymous with Yuletide gloom and doom than The Grinch! Woe be to thee whose first exposure to this character was that dreadful Jim Carrey remake and not the original cartoon, which really captures to mischievous villainy of the The Grinch. Yeah sure his heart grow three sizes or whatever at the end, but none of these other Scary Santas have an awesome theme song like The Grinch. The GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS is apparently The Queen’s favorite “scary movie” so that’s gotta be worth something too.

So friends, are there any Scary Santas that I missed? Let me know!

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